Friday, September 18, 2015

Parties

Available Now

Parties In My Pants
By Andrew Lawrence

This book contains lots of funny little stories and observations taken from my own life.

These stories are my own humorous observations on a variety of topics.

Read one. Any one. Read it and laugh. Then read the rest of them.



Introduction

Life is hard--and then you die. That’s funny, but it's also true. In the end, life is pretty damn short and, in the end, pretty damn silly. 150 years from now, after we are long dead, how many of us will be remembered? Probably none of us will be remembered. Yet we take life so seriously: everything is deemed important, heartbreaks are collected and cherished, real and imagined insults and slights by others are kept in our heart vault for a lifetime, we carry our misery around everywhere we go and infect others with it, and throughout our life, we feel deprived about what we don’t have, instead of being grateful and thankful for what we do have.

I’ve got news for you: it’s all bullshit. In the end, all too soon, you will be dead--and all your troubles will be over! So why worry? Instead, do the best you can, then take a deep breath and say, “Fuck it!”

In life, it helps to have a sense of humor. Luckily, I have always had one. Long, long ago, when faced with the choice of laughing or crying at my fate, I chose to laugh. I chose to laugh--because laughing was more fun.

While you are alive, and still kicking, have a laugh. Have a chuckle. Have a hearty laugh. It will put a smile on your face and a song in your heart.

To help get you through the day, EVERY day, start laughing and keep laughing!

And, you can start now, by reading this book!

Regards,

Andrew Lawrence
March 2015
Los Angeles, California




Excerpt:

Something Else
“It’s looking increasingly likely that cellular phones (mostly smartphones these days) are harmful in terms of cancer risk, particularly to the head and neck,” says Joel M. Moskowitz, Director of the Center for Family and Community Health at the University of California at Berkeley. “A lot of scientists have come round to the view that radiofrequency radiation is probably carcinogenic because of new research that has emerged since 2011.”

Damn, something else to worry about. Not only are electronic devices complicated to use, now I have to worry about getting brain cancer while using them. Cellphones can cause brain cancer? That being the case, do me a favor: don't call me.

Is nothing safe? Maybe we should go back to communicating via smoke signals. Wait a minute, we can't do that either: smoke signals might pollute the air.

Perhaps the only safe communication is NO communication.




Delete It
Wouldn't it be nice to be able to delete stuff, not just virtually but in real life?

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to delete people you don't like, taxes you owe, slow loading websites, TV commercials, fugly people--or anything else that you don't like, anything that bugs you.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could just delete stuff in real life? Wouldn’t it be nice to not have to deal with stuff, and just delete it?

What would I delete? I'd start with politicians. And I would delete stupidity. I would delete old age. And I would immediately delete erectile dysfunction.


Available now
at amazon.com